Eliot Spitzer. A hero to the common man.

Governor Spitzer,

You are a hero, sir. It's time to use up all of those political favors to maintain your hero status. It's time to prove, like Bill Clinton before you, that no resume can be trumped by a mere moral indiscretion. Like so many seemingly flawless leaders over the eons you have stand up and affirm that to err is human and to apologize quickly is a political necessity if you are to continue to keep your public vehicle and driver.

I urge you to stand firm. Don't allow the moral relativists in the press to rattle your resolve to continue to lead. Hookers are expensive -- especially the good ones. And, Lord knows you work hard and deserve a break from the mundane now and again. Besides, everyone knows that you can't get a good piece of ass in Albany. So, I applaud your decision to settle for something better in the end (if you'll pardon the expression). The taxpayers have no idea how challenging it is to be "on" 24/7/365. You need a vice because, let's face it, golf is boring as hell and fat white men in towels bragging about tee shots is not particularly stimulating.

I do feel for your wife and daughters, though. Surely they deserve better behavior from their bread winner. I have done a good number of stupid things in my life. So, I am not trying to stand on falsa firma here. Railing publicly against prostitutes while paying for the services of the same is Olympian in its chutzpah, though. I urge you to see a urologist as I fear you must have a problem walking and or sitting comfortably.

If you resign from office, you will no longer be a hero. You will be just another testosterone-producing schlub who could not hack through real politik. If, on the other hand, you shout to the world, "Yes, I got jiggy with some high class hookers and I don't give a damn what you think!" then you will have my vote for President. But, I'll only shake your hand while wearing rubber gloves. One can't be too careful these days.